Sermon: On Resentment

This morning I am going to preach two different sermons, one at this service and the other at the next. Both are intended as invitations to explore the exhibition ‘The F-Word, Images of Forgiveness' which we are hosting as part of our marking of Prisons Week this year.  But I am putting the two back to back in a tribute to Bishop Joseph Butler, former bishop of Durham whose memorial tablet faces the preacher in this pulpit.

In 1726 Butler published fifteen of the sermons he had preached at the Rolls Chapel in Chancery Lance, London.  The sermon titles touch on many concerns which are important to us today: ‘human nature', ‘compassion', ‘self-deceit' ,'love of neighbour' and ‘love of God', as well as subjects which we might attend to more frequently than we do such as , ‘upon the Government of the Tongue' and those which maybe matter less to us today,  ‘upon the character of Balaam'.  But at the heart of the collection lie two sermons which are still regularly quoted and argued about in ethical and theological writing, those  ‘Upon Resentment', ‘Upon the Forgiveness of Injuries'.  So this sermon is about resentment, the one that follows on forgiveness.

In his sermon, Butler distinguishes between hasty and settled resentment, and calls the hasty form ‘anger'. This in turn has two forms depending, according to Butler more on personality than anything else. The robust personality is subject to passion of anger - rage and fury, those of a more feeble temper (whom he pities) are given to peevishness.  Such forms of resentment are not good. But Butler does ask himself very seriously whether there is good to be found in resentment and he decides that there is.  For one thing it is the emotion of self-protection. For another, we experience indignation when we observe or experience injustice.  Such ‘resentment against vice and wickedness' is, he argues, ‘one of the common bonds by which society is held together; a fellow feeling, which each individual has in behalf of the whole species, as well as of himself'. 

Butler's analysis of the positive role of resentment is a necessary starting point for any Christian reflection on forgiveness today. It cannot be over emphasised that he sees the positive side of it. Many ethicists have based their arguments about forgiveness on the idea that Butler defines it as the foreswearing of resentment. (For instance J.G.  Murphy and J. Hampton in Forgiveness and Mercy CUP 1998). However a major recent study argues that this was not Butler's point at all. Rather it claims that his argument was that forgiveness involves not the giving up of resentment but the giving up of revenge.  (C.L. Griswold Forgiveness: A Philosophical Exploration CUP 2007)

This clarification is very helpful, not because forgiveness is simply the giving up of revenge but that it is not simply the giving up of resentment.  Let me outline a third possibility, one which hinges on the difference between experiencing resentment and holding a grudge. It seems hard to imagine that we could think we have forgiven someone while we still hold a grudge against them.  But what is a grudge, exactly?

Grudges arise, it seems to me when we are hurt or diminished in some way which we resent. However the word grudge, especially when in the form ‘grudging', also implies something more than resentment. For there is not only hurt or anger in it but also something mean about it. The word grudging speaks of the opposite of generosity of spirit , or magnanimity. Thus to look at forgiveness from the other end o f the equation for a moment, when we are in the wrong we can admit it and apologise well or we can do so grudgingly. Indeed whenever we give, we can do so generously or grudgingly.  And so it is that to hold or bear a grudge is not primarily to experience resentment, but persist in doing so meanly.  There is something miserly about the habitually grudging person.  The offence of the elder brother in the story of the prodigal son i(Luke 15) s not that he was a hard worker or that he was shocked by his father's generosity. It is that he could not come to terms with that generosity or share in it.  The problem was that there was something irreducibly hard, un-melt-able, and mean-spirited about him.

Grudges are bad, then, because they are mean-spirited resentment. Pure resentment, when triggered by inappropriate and unjust behaviour is, I would suggest and following Butler, a good thing. And it can be good whether in the hasty and hot form of anger or in the cool form of a more settled resentment. One common analysis today is that hasty anger is acceptable but that there is something wrong with the ongoing sort. I am not so sure about that. It seems to me that it depends what the cause and context are.  For instance, I have a book entitled ‘Cold Anger' which is about the systematic and organised response to social and economic injustice. (M.B. Rogers Cold Anger: A Story of Faith and Power Politics University of North Texas Press 1990)  If something is wrong it is not good enough simply to have an angry reaction and then to tolerate it when we have calmed down. The doctrine of good resentment says that if things are wrong that we have a moral duty to retain our resentment and keep our indignation fresh. 

One of the ironies for me is that while for most of my adult life, and all my ordained life, I have been a student of forgiveness, this study and reflection has encouraged me not to be more tolerant but less. Not to sweep my indignation under the carpet, but to speak it out. This is because I have learnt to value the distinction between the appropriate resentment that comes when things are wrong and the inappropriate experience of holding a grudge. When we hold a grudge we are not open to accepting either that what a person is doing wrong is but a small part of who they are, or that they might sooner or later repent of their behaviour so that we can then drop the resentment enjoy a good relationship once again.  The crucial distinction is between proper resentment which is seeking justice for all, which is longing for change and transformation, and being captured by a spirit of meanness which issues in the holding of a grudge. There is something bitter about holding a grudge and when we find ourselves doing so we must realise that we are now more sinning than sinned against, and that it is we who must seek to repent and find forgiveness.  That's right if we are harbouring a grudge. But wrong is we are resentful and indignant the face of injustice whether we or others are the victims.

A parallel distinction is between the forgiveness and tolerance.  Forgiveness says of a bad act, ‘this is wrong, it has to change, and until it does I will not back down but when it does change then we will be reconciled and on good terms.' The forgiving person is prepared to engage resentment but not to generate or harbour a grudge.  Tolerance on the other hand, like weakness or moral laziness, says, ‘what you did make me angry because it was wrong, but hey, it's a free world, don't let me stop you. It's not really any of my business.'

One concept I find helpful in all this is that of ‘forgivingness' - or if you like the virtue of forgiveness. I think that our Christian faith requires us to become forgiving people. That is to say to be skilled and practiced at forgiving others. But this virtue does not involve us compromising on justice and saying that for the sake of the gospel that we must pretend that some injustices don't matter.  Nor does it mean that we will not experience resentment. What it means is that we will get better and better at distinguishing between pure resentment and nasty grudges. The person who is good at forgiving will often be angry, sometimes determined to change things but never bitter.

The key to it all is to try to understand the dangerous and complex emotions of resentment, anger, indignation and the whole business of holding grudges. It is good to feel angry and to experience resentment when others do wrong, just as it is good to feel guilt and shame when we ourselves do wrong. What is not right is to let the anger turn to bitterness or the resentment become a grudge.  When these things happen it sours our personality and begins to poison our soul with bitter vindictiveness, uncontrollable rage or possibly deep depression.  However, unless we fully experience healthy anger and righteous resentment we will never be able to forgive; we will just tolerate, condone and acquiesce into injustice.  Bishop Butler was right in what he preached in the early eighteenth century. If we are to learn about forgiveness we must first learn about resentment.